Plot twist

“Just figure it out, write a blog post about it, and move on”

–       Wise words from one of my friends.

 

He’s right, of course. One of my philosophies in life is that we always figure it out. Everything always turns out okay. That being said, sometimes it’s just really hard to see the light. Sometimes it’s really hard to admit that everything is going to be okay. Sometimes it’s really easy to throw your hands (or just one finger) up in the air, curse the names of those who you feel you can blame, and threaten yourself with every possible worst case scenario you can come up with.

If you haven’t already gotten the short end of the stick one time or another… well… let’s be honest. We all have.

Sometimes it’s a slight inconvenience and sometimes it seems to flip your whole world upside down and drop it on its head in the middle of a busy highway during a winters storm with such frigid temperatures that your breath gets trapped in a tug of war between the outside air and your lungs. Yup. Sometimes it seems like it’s that bad.

So, is it? Is it really that bad or is it just your panicked emotions and worst-case scenario thoughts that make you think it’s the end of the world?

It may come as a surprise to you but I recently received the shitty end.

How shocking!

I got all caught up in how well things were going for me and based some future plans on it. Unforeseen circumstances robbed me of that security blanket but thankfully I was immediately offered a replacement. I was then strung back and forth between false security, the unknown and the waiting game for quite some time before being side railed. The back and forth was finally over. The unknown was finally known. The fears and the gut feelings were finally proven to be right.

That sucked.

For someone who lays on the floor for “thinking time”, tears up during a class about Zen meditation and gives advice about being calm and allowing situations to work themselves out… My reaction was maybe kind of slightly poor.

I absolutely lost my shit. 

The Buddhist rule re: worry is fantastic. It sounds lovely. It sounds simple. It sounds so darn easy!

LOL no. 

While thinking about Buddhism I can’t help but relate what’s happening to the Four Noble Truths.

1) All is suffering (Dukkha – No lasting happiness. Not really as depressing as it sounds.)

2) Suffering arises from craving (I want my wants to become my reality)

3) Suffering ends when craving ends (Good to know… now what?)

4) To do this you must follow the eightfold path

No, I won’t tell you the eightfold path because apparently most Buddhists don’t even know about it. However, the point still remains the same. We suffer because we want. I want travel, I want financial security, I want to be able to pick up and move whenever I feel like it and I want to be able to easily say “I want to be with you” when I fall in love and make it happen just like that.

In my Zen Buddhist Meditation class the other day we talked about the idea of nothingness, emptiness, and reality.  Just because I imagined events happening in my future doesn’t make it my reality. Just because I paid for something that I expected to receive months down the road didn’t actually make it mine.

To end this meaningless rant… I don’t know anything. Thats both terrifying and extremely peaceful at the same time. Maybe my plans will be ruined or maybe I’ll live off lentils and split peas for a few months. Maybe this is all happening to teach me that I can’t just appreciate the Buddhism philosophy while being a total nutcase with cravings and out of control emotions and self pity in my personal life. In the end, no matter what happens, I’m sure that it will just be another story, another struggle, and another experience to grow from.

Here goes nothing!

PLOT TWIST!!